senior year of high school for me consisted of losing the majority of my best friends, being abandoned and betrayed by a church and school that i was deeply connected to, and ultimately having to find and depend on myself in the midst of a whole lot of heartache.
this Sunday at church, Josh spoke about forgiveness. He spoke about making your relationship right with God by forgiving church’s and people who have done you wrong or let you down in the past. I realized as he was saying all of this that I was holding a grudge. I have become bitter towards certain people and a certain church (or its leadership rather) and it would probably be in my best interest to sit down with these individuals and talk through with them about just what they put me through.
Over the last few years I have built up so many walls in an attempt to protect myself from a lot of the pain that I have experienced. If I want any hope of letting down my guard and letting God and new friends truly in then I am going to need to do something to get closure and be able to move on. I need to stop putting all the blame on myself and finding all the fault within my own actions. It is not a fun way to live thinking that the only relationships you can have are ticking time bombs of disappointment and betrayal.
If I could sit down with these people, these are a few of the things that I would say.
You all abandoned me when I needed help the most. I had to completely start my life over because my entire slate was wiped clean of friends and people that I thought I could trust and depend on. As for all of you in leadership positions, I hope that you never put anyone else through the experience that I was put through. I hope that in the future you reach out, and your pray for, and you accept someone that you believe is making poor choices in their life. God has privileged you with the ability to work with children and young adults for a reason, so please do not abuse that power and please do not become corrupted by it. Do not be hypocritical. As for those of you who considered yourselves to be my “friends” I hope that you have now learned what it actually means to be a friend and that you also never treat a friend the way that you treated me. I was stabbed in the back by some of you, lied about by some of you, and completely abandoned by others. One of you ended our friendship with an email, one of you tried your hardest to ruin my reputation, and one of you chose not to stand up for me when I was being being unfairly treated and also failed to even warn me of what was coming me way.
In the matter of a few weeks I was friendless, uninvited from a cruise, practically forbidden from attending a missions trip, and cast away from a church family.
Yes, I made mistakes, but I never stopped being me, I never turned my back on God or my relationship with him, and I never would have treated any of you how you treated me.
I am not writing this because I am a sad, pathetic person who cannot move on with her life, but I am writing this because it is something that I need to get off my chest. Someday I hope to have an opportunity to sit down with each and everyone of you if that is in God’s plan for my future. I hope that you can learn a lesson from the pain and heartache that you caused me so that you can be sure to not ever inflict the same on anyone else.
As for all of you I truly hope that you are doing well. I hope that you are the wonderful, incredible, gifted, and blessed individuals that I knew each and everyone of you to be. I hope that God has big plans for your life and I hope that you all find happiness, love, and genuine friendships.
Just never forget about me, as I certainly will never forget about you.
It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.
Feeling down and in the dumps. Left out. Discouraged. Exhausted. Sad. Overwhelmed. Hated. Looked over. Misunderstood. Pathetic. Frustrated. Depressed.